My Second Baby Was My Rebirth As A Mother

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On my daughter’s first birthday I celebrated her and also my rebirth as a mother

It was a rather rocking journey learning to be a mom to my first born. On my daughter’s first birthday I realized that her birth was also my rebirth to mothering my son.

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Baking her birthday cake with my son felt like a mountain top moment in my motherhood journey

I set his pumpkin pajamaed booty on the counter next to the array of ingredients that will soon become Caroline’s first birthday cake.  He always wants to be right in on the action.  Although we only have a few hours until party time I remind myself how special and fleeting this time with him is and welcome his little hands into the mess.

He quickly gets to work helping me pour the flour into the mixing bowl and over most of the floor.  We crack eggs.  We measure sugar.  His eyes light up when he flips the switch on my Kitchen Aid mixer and watches the wire whisk barrel through the smattering of ingredients turning them into perfectly smooth batter.  

I help him diligently scrape the batter into the cake pan and think about how much has changed in this kitchen since the last time I attempted to bake this cake.  A year ago I was planning to try out a new caramel apple cake recipe for my niece’s birthday when our sweet Caroline Joy came into the world three weeks early.  The ingredients got tucked into the pantry and the cake pan was stashed into the Lazy Susan as we hibernated into our fall home with one more little bear among us.

God knew that I needed to know the mother I am to Caroline

As we grew into the roles God had planned for us it became so clear why he put Caroline in our lives when he did.  When he placed the desire for a second baby in my heart I was very much still finding my footing as a mom to a wild eleven-month-old.  I couldn’t have know that nine months later everything would come so naturally with Caroline.  From how comfortably she nursed to how she snuggled into my chest to take naps I found an ease in being Caroline’s mom when I had always felt unqualified to be DJs.

God knew that I needed to know the mother I am to Caroline.  I needed to know the mom who is confident and joy filled – the mom who is proud of how she’s raising two tiny, wonderful humans.  She judges herself so much less harshly than she used to and navigates the hard things with a grace that was never there before.

This last year has changed how I see myself as a mom.  It’s given me a relationship with my daughter it’s redefined my relationship with my son.

The past year has given me a relationship with my daughter it’s been a rebirth of my relationship with my son

This last year has changed how I see myself as a mom.  It’s given me a relationship with my daughter it’s redefined my relationship with my son.

I give my little man a squeeze and put the cake in the oven.  The scents of warming apples and sugar waft through the house as we put on our party clothes.  I can’t help but think that celebrating my sweet girl’s birthday is also a celebration of my rebirth as a mother.  

We pull the cake out of the oven and drizzle caramel over the top.  I sneak a bite and it’s so good.  It’s the best cake I’ve ever made and I had the privilege of making it with my son.  The grandparents arrive. We eat cake and open presents. We have a wonderful time.  But the part I will remember forever is baking that cake with my little boy.